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You know what time it is?





NO IT'S NOT 2PM SIT DOWN SMARTYPANTS.



It's time to pick up from where I left off last time, which was telling you how slave labor starts about how TVXQ's increasing popularity led to INCREASED EXPLOITATION IN THE FORM OF BANJUN DRAMAS YAY.



The dramas Finding Lost Time and Uninvited Guest are companion pieces. MUCH LIKE YUNHO AND JAEJOONG THEY FIT TOGETHER PERFECTLY. BUT I'LL GET TO THAT LATER. Finding Lost Time is a vehicle for Yoochun's growing range as an actor and here he is paired with SUNGMIN FROM SUPER JUNIOR OMG...


Yes, Virginia. That Sungmin.



...and that dumb bitch from Tokyo Holiday who had apparently decided that she still liked Yoochun best after all (poor Yunho). SAME ACTRESS SAME NAME SAME DIFFERENCE. GET LESS LAZY WRITERS, KOREA, AND I WON'T JUMP TO THESE CONCLUSIONS, JFC.

Apparently she's an old flame of Yoochun's HEY WHO ISN'T and she's come to give him some bad news. Sungmin is dead. Which makes no sense, because of this:



BITCH IS LYING OKAY. SME WOULD NEVER ALLOW SUNGMIN TO DIE WHEN HE HAS A SINGLE TO PROMOTE.


Pictured: SME's basement



Anyway, wouldn't you just know that Yoochun and Sungmin were best friends back in high school? The first few minutes of his flashback was like something out of a yaoi manga. NOT THAT I WOULD KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT MAYBE CUTE GUYS ROLL AROUND IN THEIR SCHOOLBOY UNIFORMS WITH THEIR CUTE BEST FRIENDS IN THE GRASS TICKLING EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME IN KOREA OMG GET ME A PLANE TICKET NAO.

Friends to the end, until THAT WHORE came along playing her flute LIKE SOME SORT OF WHORE PIED PIPER, giving them ideas about what it would be like if she PLAYED THEIR FLUTES...THAT SLUT.

SUNGMIN SUGGESTS THEY HAVE A THREESOME NO, form a band the likes that have never been seen in Valhalla and they called themselves Tenacious D.



Intrigued by this BRAND NEW INFORMATION about Sungmin's death, Yoochun goes to SME headquarters to check up on Suju NO calls Eunhyuk for the 411 NO takes a few days off to mope, have flashbacks, and go to his funeral. The flashbacks serve to give us MOAR BRAND NEW INFORMATION like:

1. Sungmin could probably beat the snot out of Yoochun with his nun-chucks.


2. Seeing rainbows makes Bitchy Love Triangle Girl jizz in her pants.


3. Koreans will kick your ass for spilling orange juice on them.


4. Sungmin IS A FUCKING DICK.


5. Yoochun IS A BASTARD.


6. Those two deserve each other.



The WHORE shows up one last time, reminding him to go to the funeral tomorrow and gives him a hug.


And Yoochun feels the icy touch of death.



Sooooo Yoochun goes the the funeral and it turns out SHOCK that Sungmin isn't dead. The girl is dead, and apparently went to her grave pining for Yoochun. Sungmin hands him a gift that he was supposed to give him like FIVE YEARS AGO WHICH WOULD HAVE SAVED EVERYONE A LOT OF TROUBLE THANKS ASSHOLE.


Yoochun finds out that he could have tapped that ass if it hadn't been for Sungmin!Dickery



YOOCHUN WEPT. The end.

Finding Lost Time: http://www.veoh.com/watch/v396677RDa8eENT




~


Uninvited Guest, as stated earlier, is a companion piece to Finding Lost Time. It's basically 4/5 of Dong Bang Shin Ki in a Scooby Doo Episode. I'm surprised the perp didn't say at the end AND I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT TOO, IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOU MEDDLING KIDS.

Anyway. Some douche bag is going around erasing the Rising Sun recording sessions, tearing Dong Bang Shin Ki's performance costumes and stealing Yunho's apple-print underwear JAEJOONG HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF UNDERWEAR YUNHO WEARS?



The boys pool their considerable intellects in order to catch the culprit. Yunho thinks the stalker is a ghost. Junsu points out that Jaejoong was a complete douche to their delivery man about PICKLED RADISHES THAT HE DIDN'T EVEN EAT. Changmin wisely but wrongly points out that the wardrobe noona must have a grudge against them I MEAN DID YOU SEE THEIR TRI-ANGLE VIDEO JFC and it's because Changmin was HIS USUAL DICKISH SELF to her. It's too bad that Yoochun was not there because he could have pointed out the foolishness in crossing the stylist noonas. I MEAN LOOK WHAT THEY'VE DONE TO HIS BEAUTIFUL HAIR THERE CAN BE NO OTHER EXPLANATION.


You don't want this, Min.


Their first attempt to catch the culprit in the act is foiled OR IS IT and then they scare the bejesus out of Yoochun who was looking for them. The next day, business goes on as usual, except that Yoochun is attending Sungmin's Bitchy Love Triangle Girl's funeral LIES SME WOULD NEVER GIVE THEM TIME OFF TO ATTEND A FUNERAL WHILE THEY HAD GROUP ACTIVITIES GOING ON.


At SME, the whips are every color of the rainbow, so they don't clash with your tie.


See what I did there? Ahem.

During an interview Junsu is asked how he got into Dong Bang Shin Ki. WELL I WAS RAISED FROM BIRTH TO BE AN IDOL AND BECAME AN SME TRAINEE BEFORE ANYONE ELSE IN THE GROUP NO REALLY I WAS FUCKING ELEVEN YEARS OLD BUT THEN I LOST MY FUCKING VOICE FOR TWO YEARS GODDAMMIT SO I BASICALLY SCREAMED, PLAYED SOCCER AND TWIDDLED MY FUCKING THUMBS UNTIL IT CAME BACK EVEN MORE PERFECT THAN BEFORE AND THEY PRETTY MUCH BUILT THE ENTIRE GROUP AROUND ME he did not say. Instead he spouted some bullshit from the script about being the last one chosen for the group LIES.

But it is Junsu of all people figures out the mystery. I have to ask, which member of the Scooby Gang does this make him?





Sorry, Junsu bb. Hope you like Scooby Snacks.

Cue flashback where Junsu almost breaks the damn sound equipment belting out Miss Whitney's "The Greatest Love of All", which would consume anyone with burning jealousy IF THEY DON'T FALL MADLY IN LOVE WITH HIM FIRST.

FUN FACT: "The Greatest Love of All" became Junsu's signature song, and if you want a clue as to what kind of man he is, just listen to him sing it. Every word of it is true for him.


From 2010



AT AGE TWELVE OMG SO PRESH


BONUS CUTE: DBSK'S AUDITIONS



JUNSU'S AUDITION WITH ENGLISH SUBS BECAUSE I CARE


Even the judges are like "Are you real?"



I mean when the boys figure out that it was a jealous co-auditionee turned security guard, JUNSU OPTS TO LET HIM GO instead of turning him over to the cops.

And if you think that's bullshit, that these guys would never hesitate to press charges against someone who threatened them irl, THEN YOU DIDN'T DO THE RESEARCH.



THAT'S RIGHT SOME CRAZY BITCH POISONED YUNHO FOR REALZ AND YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID? HE DIDN'T EVEN PRESS CHARGES. TRUFAX.



Tune in next time for the LOL-tastic Dangerous Love and the LOL-eriffic Unforgettable Love, mainly because I don't want to kill your computers with all the vids and graphics and whatnot.

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
julili
Jul. 19th, 2010 03:04 pm (UTC)
EPIC SHIT IS EPIC!
onthethruway01
Jul. 19th, 2010 07:29 pm (UTC)
You crack me up
aki_dreaming
Feb. 16th, 2015 11:50 am (UTC)
I'm sorry but...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbKSOmocnbU

I used to love this song until Whitney blew it.
aki_dreaming
Feb. 16th, 2015 11:52 am (UTC)
Re: I'm sorry but...
"JAEJOONG HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF UNDERWEAR YUNHO WEARS?"

Yaaaaas
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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