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The Host and the Most Beautiful Lie

Watched The Host last night.

What you need to know about The Host (spoilers ahoy):

1. Americans are the source for all of South Korea's ills. All right, I'll buy that. That wasn't called for, baby. I'm sorry. It was on American orders that a fuckton of formaldahyde was dumped into the Han river (to make matters worse, it appeared that the American forensic scientist gave the orders because he was OCD and didn't like the dust on the bottles. So yeah.) which wound up causing the mutations in the titituar monster. It was the Americans screwing things up further by claiming there was a virus when there really wasn't, causing Our Hero to be detained, thereby Wasting Precious Time. And finally, it was Americans trying to sweep everything under the rug with some sort of biological weapon called Agent Yellow, which did pretty much nothing but make people bleed out of their ears and hopefully didn't make everyone in the area sterile. So, to sum up, Americans are incompetent, lying sons of bitches.

2. It was full of Mood Whiplash. The family clearly loves each other but is constantly insulting one another. At a gathering for the deceased, they all manage to get into a tussle, falling to the ground while crying and telling each other how much they suck. Then the press came out and started taking pictures of them rolling around on the ground. It was hilarious, actually. So was the moment where the patriarch scolds the two somewhat competent kids about not insulting their brother...and they nod off to sleep in the middle of his Moving Speech. A Crowning Moment of Heartwarming, subverted. I couldn't even begin to count off all the Crowning Moments of Awesome, both played straight and subverted, but my favorite is near the end, when the College Grad is chasing after the Monster to lovely orchestral music, and he moves with the grace of a ballet dancer, hurling Soju-powered molotov cocktails at the monster...and missing every damn time.

3. The ending fucking sucks. Seriously, the family all nearly get themselves killed (patriarch gets killed, Incompetent Son gets a Lobotomy with insufficent anesthesia that suddenly makes him a Badass, the College Grad fall of a ledge and lives and the Archer Girl gets slammed into a wall and lives) trying to save Incompetent Son's daughter, who is alive through most of the movie...and then dies right at the end. I kept expecting her eyes to open and it never happened. But they got a new little boy out of the deal, so I guess that's even better...NOT.

Danny and I had to watch three episodes of Avatar just to wash the bitter taste out of our mouths.

And now...for something (sort of) completely different: The Most Beautiful Lie, brought to you by the letters D, B, S, K and the number 5.

The most beautiful lie, told by all White Knights, is "I will protect you."

It is told, in the most lovely way, below. Written by Changmin, the youngest member of the group. Boy knows his tropes. Mad respect.

However, they are cheating bastards. As everyone knows, a boy band has to have at least one toe up member. See: Chris Kirkpatrick, Danny Wood and Howie Dorough.


That's damn dirty pool.

Fuck you, South Korea. Don't come crying to me the next time Apollo Ohno blindsides you.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 24th, 2009 06:32 pm (UTC)
Death Fish ignores your hate because Death Fish knows he is King. Of the River. That River. Right. HAIL DEATH FISH AND PROBABLY BE EATEN ANYWAY!
Apr. 24th, 2009 10:52 pm (UTC)
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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